Me Time
Schedule time for the things you've been missing out on.
In our family, we’ve made it a tradition to go skiing for a week every February with the kids (the kids ski, and my husband snowboards – I’m like Bridget Jones on skis, so I avoid the slopes and cheer them on 😉), we have a summer holiday together (as I’ve written about), and we go somewhere a little warmer before winter sets in during the autumn break every year. We all enjoy spending time together and look forward to it.
A newer tradition, for us, is time away from each other. We’ve realised this is just as important and has become possible now the kids are a little older. The kids have their scout trips where they get to enjoy their newfound independence and avoid soap for as long as the trip lasts (despite a full rucksack, they usually come home wearing what they had on when they left). They’re not allowed to call home while away, which left me with a belly ache and feeling like I’d lost a limb at first, but it's getting better with each trip.
A few years ago, my husband and I started our boys’ and girls’ weekends (despite our advancing years, we still defiantly call them this). Two nights and three days, once a year, are enough for us to enjoy and not so long that it causes a problem for the one staying home with the kids. It's not too long for the kids, either.
My husband likes structure at home, whereas I enjoy letting the weekend develop. So, when he goes away, usually in March with a big group of friends, I let chaos reign. This year, he commented when he got home that we wouldn’t survive long-term without him. We had lived on a diet of hot dogs, pizza, crisps, cake, caramel popcorn and mini-Snickers bars; it was just for the weekend, it didn’t kill us, and I enjoyed parenting in my way. I, of course, would make more sensible food choices if it were longer than a weekend 🤔. My husband came back relaxed and was glad to see us. It was a good reset for everyone.
Last weekend, it was my turn. I went away with two friends. I love our little group; it’s easy and chilled. We go to a spa, have long breakfasts, swim and chat about everything and anything, uninterrupted by partners or kids. We laugh a lot, share tips and tricks that are just for us and do a bit of everything: walks, shopping, and working out. For that weekend, we’re not mummies (one friend doesn’t have children) or wives or partners; we’re just us, and it’s such a lovely and necessary reminder.
I know people who say they would feel guilty leaving their partner or family and others who have always done this; some spend much longer away. One Mummy-friend doesn’t go away every year but every other. She books a big trip to somewhere exotic to fulfil her desire to see more of the world.
I also have single friends who do a lot of travelling alone but factor in at least one trip a year with other single friends or book themselves a group tour with other travellers for some company.
It’s necessary to define what you're looking for and what works for those you might be leaving behind. While there’s not a one-size-fits-all approach, there are some points that can be helpful to consider:
Do I want time alone or with a group? What size group do I enjoy spending time with? (For example, you might like mingling at parties for an evening but not want to spend intense and prolonged amounts of time in a big group)
What elements need to be included/what am I missing in my life? (relaxation or an adventure, maybe)
How long do I have/want to spend away?
What’s my budget?
What is my time commitment to planning/how complex should it be? (This may seem minor, but a former coaching client became very stressed trying to book a getaway to destress because her friends made it too complex and couldn’t agree – defeating the purpose)
Even if booking the trip itself is easy, the preparation to get out of the house can be a huge hurdle if you have a family, often including washing, shopping and organising before leaving. However, it’s not impossible, and I’ve found it gets easier every year. Similarly, a single friend admits to her own hurdle being the apprehension around joining strangers at the start of group tours. She reminds herself it’s always just for the first couple of hours.
No matter how well-planned, these trips don’t always work out as we would like. Sometimes, the dynamic is all wrong, or the type of break is. If you’re a parent or in a relationship, the time spent away from loved ones can be too long. It’s trial and error, but once you’ve found what works for you, it can be a boost to your well-being to have this fixed point in your life that you repeat as often as you realistically can.
If you're in a relationship, time away also benefits those staying behind. A few weeks ago, on a Friday morning, I bumped into a dad I know taking his three girls to school and kindergarten. His wife is the main carer, but she'd gone away for a long weekend. He told me, "It’s good for us all. I get to spend more quality time with the girls." I noticed he was repeating this like a mantra, but he did it. He looked exhausted on Monday morning when I saw him again, but all four of them were smiling.
My husband revisited his youth over the weekend, skateboarding with the kids. He also cooked proper meals, he informed me 😅. I returned to them all relaxed, pleased to see them, and they were happy to have me back. I started the week with new energy and a much clearer head than I usually do. It won’t keep me going for another whole year until next May, but it will give me a bit of a head start before the summer holidays come around. Maybe we’ll start planning a second weekend for each autumn 🤔.
If you’re not already doing it, don’t underestimate the power of incorporating regular Me Time into your life, whatever that means for you: a regular adventure, fun with friends to remember who you are, a healthy break to rejuvenate or even the odd unhealthy one if that’s what you’re missing out on 😉.