The Bright Side of Life
Appreciating what you have can reframe your mindset and help you enjoy life with all its imperfections.
I just got back from five days in Rome with my mum. I was blown away when I saw the Colosseum at the end of the street we were staying in and then a Roman ruin on every corner. I’ve travelled a lot, but I’d never been to Rome before, my mum had and knew more about the city than I did. I didn’t have time to read up and admit my ancient Rome references are taken from The Life of Brian (yes, I know how that makes me sound, but my head is full of other stuff 🙃).
Anyway, I loved it. However, the city is far from perfect. It’s a challenge to find toilets with seats and modern running taps in most restaurants and bars, apart from in the very best places. In addition, our apartment, despite its fantastic location (and high rating), had the thinnest walls ever (I knew the neighbour’s sightseeing plans as they discussed them), and the swish-looking bathroom flooded when we showered. We also did about 10,000 steps in one of the main underground stations through a myriad of tunnels on the way to the platform! We could have walked home. Weren’t ancient Romans experts in architecture, plumbing and street planning?
These were all just observations for me, though, not grumbles. I never sit on public toilet seats (maybe more information than you wanted); I always have earplugs with me; I informed the owners about the shower (which they repaired immediately); we were only on the underground because my mum was melting in the 34-degree temperatures – I like to walk. Nothing spoilt my trip. It was nice to spend time with my mum, just the two of us, in a neutral location. I also got to spread out in my own bed, didn’t cook a thing for five days, and didn't tidy up after anyone or do any washing.
However, my mum was feeling the heat, and, at one point, we sat in a beautiful park in the shade by a disused fountain. I was relaxing back on the cool stone bench, when my mum said, “It’s a shame it’s not working.” She didn’t look happy. My mum isn’t a moaner; I think she’d just had enough that day and was planning to throw herself into the next available, preferably full fountain. I answered, “Well, it means it’s quiet here. You know, no pounding water.” It occurred to me, from the look on her face, that I might have turned into one of those irritating, overly positive people, or perhaps I have finally perfected the art of (re)framing.
I’ve coached many clients who were dissatisfied with certain situations, which then spilt over into other areas of their lives, resulting in overall discontent because their negativity spiralled. When mindsets reach a certain point, many clients assume the solution lies in starting again somewhere new (I’ve posted about this but from a different angle). In some cases, this is a good idea, but we take ourselves with us wherever we go. If our mindset remains the same, then we will also find fault in life in a new location.
Managing our mindset is connected to the aforementioned (re)framing. We all catch ourselves criticising or moaning from time to time, but the catching part is important. If the latter doesn’t happen, people often turn to a coach or another type of specialist to reel them in and break any unhealthy patterns. Our thoughts impact our mood, which can become entrenched in our characters as traits such as bitterness or pessimism. Reminding ourselves of all we have is a good place to start.
Our best friends are a particularly positive couple and have made (re)framing into an art. I met up with them once, straight after catching up with a girlfriend who lived in an enviable coastal city. They asked me questions about her lifestyle there and were as wowed as I was, but then the husband said, “Yeah, but the cleaner needs to come every day to keep all that sand out of their apartment, eh? I wouldn’t want that.” It was a joke, but he meant it. He didn’t want a cleaner in their home every day. He was happy to go without the location and satisfied with his lot.
Despite having a lovely week away, I was glad to come home after Rome, and not just because I missed my kids and husband. Vienna isn’t perfect either, but I’ve found ways of ignoring or tolerating the not-so-good bits and enjoying the rest. This attitude allows me to appreciate life more now, wherever I am.
In the words of that very educational and not at all controversial 😉 Monty Python film, “Always look on the bright side of life!”