Lost in Translation
What learning another language can teach us about comfort zones and leaving them.
When I first came to Austria for a year abroad, I didn’t see it as stepping out of my comfort zone. I’d learnt German at school from 12 years old and studied it for a couple of years at university; I was sure I would be considered almost fluent. Austria wasn’t far, either, and in Europe, so how big could the difference be? Big, as it turns out, and I was far from fluent 🙃. Even wishing someone a good day, Guten Tag, which we’d been taught was the standard way to say hello, was something about greeting God here in Austria; they say, Grüß Gott.
Language teaching at schools and universities rarely allows for dialect. It's the same in other countries preparing students for coming to the UK; learning the Queen's English and then coming to Essex can be a shock. My Austrian husband, who uses English daily at work, once asked for directions on a trip home with me, to be told, "I ain't got a scooby, mate." I explained this was rhyming slang but cut short; the full phrase is Scooby doo, which rhymes with clue. My husband's face was a picture of confusion. We remained lost, driving around in circles, which is what it can feel like living abroad at first.
My biggest problems settling in Austria were grasping what was happening around me and having no personality for a while due to limiting myself to yes and no answers. It was isolating. I made many mistakes; I once told a girl on the phone that I would park the car when I arrived to pick her up and hüpfen instead of hupen. The former means jump, the latter beep. She must have wondered why the strange English girl wanted to jump up and down in her car in front of her flat. It took a long while for me to make friends.
There were also cultural differences. My first Austrian boyfriend's sister was lovely to me when I first arrived, so when she invited me to a party I didn't want to attend, I made my excuses and turned her down very politely, as Brits do. Later that evening, my boyfriend said she hadn't understood if I was coming or not because of the long story full of apologies I’d told her. Austrians are much more direct and say, "No thanks," if they don't want to accept an invite. When I did go to parties, I would get into the most excruciating situations, mucking up the usual greeting (before Covid, at least) of the continental double kiss on the cheeks. Some would double-kiss, and some would leave it at one, which left me dangling awkwardly or brushing lips in a semi-snog trying to manoeuvre across to the other cheek – also awkward.
I spent a long time out of my comfort zone. I've been here for over 20 years and have had many ups and downs, which I had to deal with alone because running back home was too far! This has given me confidence and a strong belief in my ability to overcome challenges. I'm also finally fluent (with the odd mistake). I try things that make me uncomfortable all the time. I'm not about to move country again, but I force myself to speak other languages whenever away with varying results. On one holiday, I repeated a phrase to the natives for almost a week, thinking it was hello when it was welcome. I’d been enthusiastically welcoming them to their own country 😆. It won't stop me from trying again on the next holiday.
As a coach, I've worked with clients on leaving their comfort zones when stuck in patterns that no longer work for them or when seeking fulfilment and needing to expand their horizons. It’s not necessary to relocate or learn another language to do this. However, leaving your comfort zone isn't just trying something different. Big life changes require bold steps. I did this without realising what I was getting into, but because I got so much from it, I’d do it again. We don't usually choose to be uncomfortable for any period, but if life isn't making us happy, sometimes that's what's needed.
The step that makes you stretch into the unknown might be good for you. If you take the language route as I did, it might be advisable to learn the word for hello before you go abroad, though; had that been a swear word I'd been repeating for a week, I could have been in a lot of trouble 😉.
😎